If I told you I had the perfect marriage, would you believe me?  You might.  But more likely, you would simply smile benignly, thinking to yourself, Yeah, right.  Most likely, you would be listening through your own filters, which have been shaped by your upbringing, your environment and your own personality.  But consider for a moment.  We have all made mistakes in our lifetimes.  And we have all made choices in our lifetimes.  As a dear friend pointed out, a mistake is spilling a glass of milk — it’s an unfortunate event, and is not likely to affect your entire life.  A choice is a decision you made — consciously or unconsciously — that has brought you to your current situation.  Your life right now is a reflection of all the choices you made in the past.  When I claim that your life is perfect, I mean that it is exactly as it should be.  It is precisely as you designed it.

Now, you might protest, but did I choose to be fat?  or, did I decide to have a heart attack (or some other disease, fill in the blank)?  In a sense, you did.  Your choices are not necessarily conscious choices, but they are still choices.  Your current state of health is a direct reflection of how you have lived your life until this moment.  Consider your choice of spouses.  Did married life turn out as you expected?  If so, great – you get to feel proud of a choice well made; if not, the choice is still yours, to stay or leave or effect changes.  And remember that whatever changes are needed require effort from both parties.  Also remember that whatever change you choose to make may not be the “final” change that will hereafter carry you on wings of bliss from this moment on.  A choice is for the moment.  Its outcome may last much longer.  The important thing to realize is that we do have choices.  They can sometimes be obscure, difficult to make, difficult to accept as one’s own.  It’s much easier to lay blame on outside circumstances. 

I realize it is unnerving to look at one’s life and admit that it is perfect.  It almost suggests capitulation.  If it’s so perfect, why seek to make any changes?  The reason for that is again because of the choices we make.  If we are to accept our life as perfect just as it is, this would not argue against making changes in the present moment.  Remember that whatever we do at this moment becomes our past one moment later.  Therefore, if you feel your marriage does not support you, assess your options and consider the consequences.  Whatever you decide to do will then be your life at that point.  Can you be guaranteed that your life will be “better” after any decision?  Of course not.  But the crux of this exercise is the realization that you, ultimately, are solely responsible for how things are – and that translates to a life that is exactly as it should be, given the circumstances, given your current choices.  It is perfect.